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  • Writer's pictureHolly Flynn

The Fear of Having Nothing to Say

I'll let you in on a little secret: I've started numerous (and when I say numerous, I mean numerous) blogs in the past. I've probably started at least 10 blogs in my lifetime, which is not including the ones I was required to create for school.

So, what happened to them?

Well, you see...I deleted them.

"Deleted?" you might say, aghast.

"Yup," I'd respond. "Deleted. Adios. Gone forever."

"Why, though?"

That's a great question, and one that pains me to answer. Because in truth I wish I'd kept all those blogs--especially the one I started when I first graduated high school and began exploring my creative side. It was actually a blog containing chapters of a story I'd written for fun (don't worry though, the original is safe in a collection of composition notebooks). I'd simply wanted to share the story with others, though in a bout with my critical side a few years later, I deleted the blog altogether.

I honestly don't know why. Maybe it's the same reason I tore up my 400+ page StarWars fanfiction at 12 years old because I wasn't happy with it.

Anyway, the point I'm getting to is this: I was afraid I didn't have anything novel to add to the writing community. I've often fallen into the trap of comparing myself with other writers who keep up incredible blogs with what seems to be groundbreaking writer advice. Even though I've been practicing my craft for 20 years or so, I tend to beat myself up and view whatever input I have as an embarrassment to myself. My critical side will say things like, "That sounds ridiculous", or "Who would ever take advice from you?". I wish I could tell my critical side to pack its things and never return, but alas, it's an enemy I must live with for eternity.

So starting a new blog, namely this one, has been a challenge. As you might notice, my first three posts are from early 2021--a testament to my willpower in those months to at least churn something out. This year I've resolved to challenge my criticial side, to restart my effort to maintain a writer blog. Whether it's helpful or not, I want to try to believe in myself--to tell myself that yes, I do have something to contribute, even if it's not anything new.

I mean hey, if I can at least encourage one writer in their journey, then I've done my work. That's what it's all about, after all: connection and community. Writers need to see others being honest about the struggles they have with their craft, the doubts they have lingering inside. If we didn't all have them, we wouldn't be human.

So here's to a fresh year and effort to share my journey in all its ups and downs.

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